When You are a Parent and also Ambitious

Today I want to talk about why parents are important. And why it really matters, at least to me.

Let’s start with the basics: Parents give birth to you, raise you, and give you everything you need as a child – and the tools to grow into the adult that you later become.

Simply by raising you in their home and treating you as their own, your parents give you a sense of belonging that nothing can replace. I won’t go into just how much that means right now – but perhaps visit an orphanage one day, and look into the children’s eyes. It will teach you a lot about what your parents gave you, and what you will give your children if you are fortunate to be blessed with them.

That is just the most basic level. Even with the weakest parenting skills in the world – you have given him something vital that he can get from no one else.

But hopefully you don’t have the weakest parenting skills. Hopefully you have good role models, a good husband, good friends, and an open mind to constantly learn more. And hopefully you are a fairly good parent, or even a very good one.

Do you ever think about what effect you are having on your child?

[If your answer is “yes, all the time, and it’s terrifying,” then read my last article here.] I’m not saying that you control the outcome your child’s life. You do not. G-d is the one who gives him life and takes him down the path he is destined for. You cannot get in the way of that, no matter how many mistakes you make. He has that all taken into account.

But you can, through your choices, have a tremendous positive effect on your child. By choosing to be a good parent and role model, you affect your child more than any other individual ever will.

A parent has the potential to affect a child’s life more than any other person in the world. And I’ll tell you why I think that matters so much.

Doing Something Big

You see, I am a very driven person. Every day I ask myself if I’m really doing what I want to do with my life. And that can be tough, because the answer is not always what I want it to be.

Maybe that’s what brought me to start this project. Because more than anything else, I just want to make a difference in the world. I don’t know if that’s vain or noble. It’s just how it is, and I’m sure there are many like me.

We are taught in Chassidic philosophy that the true way to change the world is to choose good. Small little choices, small little words, and small little actions that come together and transform it.

I get it, and I do truly believe it. But… I can’t say it really feels like a life mission. I also want to do something big.

The thing is, I never really figured out what that something big was.

So I always continued to try and make the right small choices, and soon enough I met my wonderful husband and we were blessed with a child. And then another, and another, and another – four in very quick succession, with G-d’s help. We are a happy, lucky family.

But then it comes to the daily grind. Changing diapers, doing laundry, dealing with whiny children and lots of mess, over and over and over again. And I can’t help but think – is this the big something that I want to do with my life? Or maybe, is it holding me back?

Who Are My Heroes?

Invariably, I’ll think about the people I look up to, that seem to be doing something noble with their life.

One figure that always comes to mind is the doctor. And the nurse. Not to say there aren’t many others, but I guess those are just the ones that talk to me. The long, crazy hours. The tedious, thankless work dealing with sick (and often grumpy) people with so many needs. Their tremendous role nurturing their patients. I think about how many years they spent studying to serve that role, and then the hours and hours of strain throughout their career. How do they do it? And more so – why do they do it?

I believe, in the vast majority of cases, these are just good people. They are strong, motivated people who want to make a difference in people’s lives, to help those who are less fortunate. And so, they do. And even though I know for so many reasons that role is not for me, to me it is an inspiration.

How?

Finding a Parallel

Well, I don’t think we mothers are that different. I mean, I don’t think I work as hard as a nurse. I couldn’t if I tried; I simply lack the stamina. But the conditions are similar: difficult hours, needy people, basic and necessary services.

But mothers don’t help each person for a few days, weeks or months. Our services are lifelong. And so as great an effect that a doctor or nurse might have on an individual’s life, a mother (or father)’s influence is exponentially greater.

Mothers are a lot more than nurses. I don’t need to tell you this; we know it all too well. But for me, this comparison gives context. It reminds me that I’m not wasting my time cooking, cleaning, and chasing after kids all day. It helps me take that feeling of respect that I hold for a doctor or a nurse, and for the effect that they are having on the world, and remember that I deserve that respect too.

G-d has given me these precious children, and I have the exclusive opportunity to serve as their mother. I am having a tremendous effect on the world, and with each additional child he bestows upon our family, it is compounded that much more.

I still hope to do many things with my life. But knowing just how vital and precious my work is at home, I will never regret a thing that I put into it. And since G-d is the one who gave me the abilities to do all the other things that I strive for, He will give me the opportunity to fulfill them – all in the right time. First and foremost, I will raise and nurture these amazing people I call my kids, with all my heart and soul. It is truly the greatest contribution I can give to the world.