The conversation around having a large family is centered on the concept of bitachon: Trust in G-d. Here I dig a little deeper into what that really means. Read Part 1. and Part 2.
The Rebbe has said some radical things, and held some positions that even other Jewish leaders had trouble accepting.
One of them was his position with regard to Family Planning. He was emphatically against it, believing that as a general rule, the planning of when a child should be born belonged to G-d alone.
Many aspects of this have been discussed on this blog.
Yet I have hardly touched on one of the issues which for many of us, is critical.
What’s the Financial Plan?
How can one bring children into the world when one has no idea how they will support them? Where will they find the funds to pay for their needs, for the larger house they will require, for their expensive yeshiva schooling? How will they pay for camp, for simchos, and for the myriad items that are required to live a true Jewish life?
The Rebbe addressed this in the same way he expressed any of his opinions: with plain, simple, and unshakeable trust in our Creator and a promise based on the words of our tradition.
The Rebbe Rashab has taught, he said, that the sustenance of the Jewish people today is just like manna.
The manna arrived every day, with enough for that day, and in the perfect amount to provide for each family member. Straight from heaven. And the ease of collecting it depends on your level of faith and trust in G-d.
The Modern Day Application
But for real. What does that even mean? We don’t live in the desert with a clear manifestation of G-d’s presence in the form of miraculous bread falling from heaven.
Clearly, it’s not meant in that sort of literal way.
Yes, we need to get a job and go to work.
We need to try and budget for our needs.
And our sustenance does not arrive in the form of miracle bread from heaven, but as funding to purchase our bread, along with all the things we need to live full Jewish lives.
But that’s where the differences end. The amounts, the timing, and the ease of receiving it are purely from G-d, even as they may be clothed in a physical setting.
A job is a channel through which G-d can send us what we need in a natural manner. And when we recognize that it is truly from him and rely on Him as our provider, he will send what we need, whether through the channel we have provided, or through a different way altogether. After all, he is G-d, and has many tools in his toolbox. An unlimited amount, in fact.
And the Rebbe went a step further:
Moreover: The land and people of Israel are likened to a deer, whose skin grows according to its flesh. If so, even if it seems that whatever he toiled for parnassah (income) is not enough for the children who will be born, this is no proof at all! The parnassah comes together with the child and because of him!
משיחת יום ה’ פ’ בשלח, יו”ד שבט ה’תשמ”א
In other words, advance planning is not really the answer. While the world will tell you not to consider having a child until the funds for the child’s needs (or at least the source of them) is in place, the Rebbe disagreed. The funding will come, but only along with the child.
I don’t know if I could come to this conclusion without the Rebbe. It is not an automatic (or easy) thing for a human being not to limit himself to his natural circumstances. And the more traditional Torah sources, while they speak about faith and trust, sometimes seem to be referring to greater people in a different era, when perhaps the supernatural was a little more … prevalent?
Only a Rebbe could deliver this type of directive and with this amount of certainty. Because he knew it for a fact.
And a Rebbe is the only one I could accept it from.
How’s it working out?
So far, it has never failed us.
Can we say we are “financially secure”?
Probably not, at least according to the modern definition.
But we have financial security in our reliance on G-d who has not left us without our needs.
And I don’t mean bare-basics living on rice and beans.
I mean living according to our local standards, with the ability to buy all the normal things that are part of our lifestyle.
I mean things that seemed to defy the odds of someone in our position: an affordable two bedroom apartment before I had my first child, when my husband was still in kollel.
I mean the ability to actually purchase our own home (even in Brooklyn!) after we had our third, and to consistently pay our bills on time.
And whenever there was something that we knew our family or our child needed, our trust has never betrayed us and somehow, it arrived. Never have we felt or lived as paupers, in any sense of the word.
Yes, there was a time when we needed to leave our current positions that couldn’t possibly pay enough for our family, and seek better opportunities. And I believe that is something that must not be neglected – the channels must be appropriate for the vessels they are trying to fill.
And still, often our needs still came from different directions, and not from the channels we prepared.
Knowing that G-d has his ways of providing for us keeps us secure and calm, and with open mind to the blessings in whichever form they may arrive.
It is a trust in the unnatural.