Principle #2: Set Yourself Up for Success

So we’ve dropped the idea of the perfect mom and the perfect family. We agree that it’s not something to aspire for, but an unhelpful ideal we had best forget.

But accepting our flaws is not a free pass for neglecting our job. It is our duty to be the best parent we can with the personality and circumstances we have been granted.

Which leads me to my second general principle:

Principle #2: Set Yourself Up for Success

This is not a comprehensive list by any means, but a few ideas that I find are key in running a successful and happy household.

1. Put your kids on an age-appropriate schedule.

I put this first because (just like adults) when a kid’s basic needs are not met, they cannot be on their best behavior. Too often we blame our children for acting up when the truth is they are simply tired or hungry. It is often the simple solution to what might otherwise seem like a very difficult problem.

We recently pushed bedtime in our house back to six o’clock, occasionally earlier, and the difference is very real. Eight hours of sleep is a number for adults; kids need closer to twelve (and sometimes more), depending on their age.

By the same token, have a regular schedule of meals and snacks – whatever you can work out – so they won’t be hungry during the day.

Do your research, learn your kids’ patterns, and help them get the food and sleep they need. Everyone will gain from it.

2. Don’t test your kids more than you must.

I cannot even tell you how much peace of mind I owe to the fact that my house is 95% baby-proof. (Not 100% because you can never be as creative as your kids… but we did our best!) We have gates on the top and bottom of the stairs, little locks on the closets and cabinets, and practically nothing fragile around the house. (One day I’ll get those house plants I dream of!)

It’s not about the broken items or the mess I’m avoiding, but the nerves. I’m not nervous about what my kids are doing around the house, nor am I constantly telling them not to touch this or that. I know that my kids and my house are safe, and I can focus my energy on maintaining a happy and healthy home for my family.

3. Do more of what you love and find solutions for the things you hate.

Normal people are good at some things and not so good at others.

Whether you are an expert housekeeper, more of a nurturer, a great cook, or that craftsy mommy, you won’t be everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

The key is to maximize your strengths and minimize, or otherwise compensate for, your weaker points.

For me, cooking is stressful, so I’ve found quick and easy solutions for supper that I reuse weekly. And since I kind of enjoy cleaning and organizing, I’ll (sometimes) have my kids join me in sorting their toys at the end of the day, wiping the table with baby wipes, and unpacking the groceries.

This way, the happy vibes can live on, and the stress can go packing.

4. Acknowledge when something isn’t working and find a better solution.

Sometimes we come up with a great system, or what we thought was great, but it just doesn’t work as expected. Don’t get hung up on it. What works for others might not work for you or your family; let it go and move on to the next idea. You may need to ask for advice, pick up a book or two, or just keep experimenting. Just don’t get stuck repeating the same failing tactics again and again.

5. Don’t (even try to) do everything yourself.

I mean it. Maybe when you have one kid it’s possible, but there’s a reason it takes two people to have children. Of course, the details of what a husband might do depends on each family’s situation, but especially in today’s age when most mothers are working, we really need our husbands’ support.

In fact, sometimes that isn’t enough, and we need to reach out for more help. Particularly just after birth, much as you may love your independence, it is vital to allow others to help you and your kids, so you can recover properly and be healthy for your family once you have truly healed.

The Bottom Line

In short: Get to know yourself and your family better, find the methods that work for you, and reach out for help when you need it!

And remember, even the best systems won’t be successful every day. But when you follow these guidelines, the journey will be that much easier, and hopefully, you will succeed more often than you fail.