I met my aunt the other day.
“How are you?” She asks me warmly.
“I’m doing well,” I say, “Thank G-d!”
“How are the kiddies?”
“They are great,” I answer.
I think she knows I have six kids.
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know all their names.
To be fair, she probably has over a hundred nieces and nephews.
She can certainly be forgiven for not knowing the next generation.
She is searching my face.
“They really are wonderful.” I add.
But she continues meaningfully, “I know it’s hard now, but it will get better.
It will be worth it in the long run.”
She has eleven kids.
She’s talking from experience.
I smile agreeably, but inside I shake my head.
No, that’s not how I’d put it.
I don’t think my life is hard.
Hectic, yes.
Crazy, maybe a little.
But I don’t have a hard life.
I have a two month old baby boy with the sweetest face and miniature hands, with the most precious tiny cooing voice. And I get to hold him close to me every day.
I have two toddler boys who fill the house with their crazy energy and laughter – and the most hilarious words and expressions as they learn to speak.
And I have a four, five, and six year old who amaze me with their youthful curiosity, their loving care for their siblings, and their boundless joy in all the little beautiful things around them.
It’s true I don’t sleep too much, at least right now.
It will likely be another few months till I get an eight hour stretch again.
I wish I got more sleep.
It’s true I don’t eat so well.
I don’t care much for the mac and cheese or hot dog suppers I might make for my kids.
I wish I had better meals – that someone else made for me.
It’s true I don’t have much personal time until eight at night when the kids are finally in bed.
And that’s often all the time I have to work, clean the house, go out, exercise, or do anything much, really. All between the baby’s three- or two-hour feedings.
And it sure is true that some days I just want to curl into bed and forget about everyone else for a change.
Some days are hard. Some situations are difficult.
But my life’s not hard.
Life without friends and family is hard.
A life when there’s no food to eat is hard.
A life of pain and hospital visits is hard.
And a life with people who mistreat or abuse those close to them – that is hard.
My life is not hard.
My life is full of hugs and kisses, smiles and laughter, singing and dancing, growing and learning.
My life is full of good people who love and care for me, who are happy and hopeful, and who work hard together to make the most of this beautiful life we are given.
I look forward to the days when the house will be cleaner and quieter and I’ll have more time to myself.
But life with six kids is not hard.
It is a blessed and beautiful life for which I couldn’t be more grateful.
It will be worth it in the long run – and it’s worth every minute now.
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Beautiful!
Thank you <3
Great writing!
Thank you, Chaya!
Love it!
Thanks Lifshy <3
Thank you for your inspiring post!You have such a refreshing perspective and I pray that I will be able to integrate this view more into my life!
Thank you, Chana! It’s definitely sometimes a struggle to keep the perspective, and that’s why I find it so helpful to put it into words and express the way I really believe it to be. So glad it helps you too 🙂
Beautiful! I feel like you just wrote down my thoughts!
Glad to hear, Chana! It really is helpful when things are expressed!
beautiful article!
Thanks Moussie 🙂 I appreciate it!
Love this so much!
Thank you Mushky, that means a lot to me <3
Thanks for taking the time to “pen” your thoughts. They are beautiful and the discussions they spur are important.
Maybe your aunts experience was one that this stage of her life was hard? Maybe she didn’t have the support “life without friends and family is hard”. I’m happy for you that it’s not your experience, and you have the support etc.
Not sure if I happen to be overwhelmed at the moment when reading this and projecting….Reading this it almost feels like there’s something wrong with someone feeling that it’s hard.
You make a great point, Esther, thank you so much for bringing it up.
Maybe that’s why I felt it wouldn’t have been right to answer her then. It’s true, everyone’s experience is different and perhaps she really did find it hard.
Or maybe she was really only referring to the work – and the daily grind is definitely hard by anyone’s estimation!
I do actually work hard, very hard, with literally no break sometimes. And that’s why I feel that keeping my head above it by having the right perspective makes the biggest difference.
It’s so easy to sink into that rut of feeling like LIFE is so hard because we are working hard.
But those thoughts only weigh us down and can literally make us depressed. And I really believe that they are so untrue.
I don’t have a hard LIFE even though I WORK hard. There is no reason for me to feel depressed about my life.
So although essentially my aunt is 100% right – it (the work) is hard now, and it WILL get better and easier as time goes on… I guess “hard” was something of a trigger word which I just needed to reframe in my mind, and this was my way of doing so.
Point being: there are many things that make life difficult, but healthy children doing healthy things does not need to be one of them.
Definitely nothing wrong with feeling that it’s hard, but much easier when you can reframe it as hard work – but not necessarily a hard life.
I hope this clarifies my intentions more.
And actually, if life is indeed hard for you in any way at all, I pray that the hardships end really soon and you see only blessing and goodness and true nachas from your entire family!
This is just what I needed to read today. Thank you!
Loooooove this. Reminds me of the concept of not saying that children are the future. That this little kid “has potential.” No – a child is a world and is inherently valuable and “productive” and necessary now, today, not just tomorrow. “Worth it in the long run,” sure, but like you — that’s not how I’d put it.
This applies just as much to education as it does to parenting. And, I wonder, how many other subjects besides for children? What else is inherently valuable in the here and now, that we so often dub just a step toward another goal?
Wow, yes, that is a great point! The truth is that we don’t really know what the future holds, and the future is not up to us, but our job is to make the most of the present.
I think the same goes for every mitzvah, every word of Torah learned, and every act of kindness done. It’s not about what comes out of it but that the act itself brings us closer to Hashem…