There is something powerful about taking an idea and breaking it down to its core.
So, before we get into any deep spiritual or psychological ideas, I’m going to begin with this simple question:
What is a child?
The term “child” has two main definitions: a son or daughter, or a young person.
Meaning, a child is a person in the first decade (or two) of his life who is mostly dependent on his parents. In one word: a kid.
I think that’s generally what we think about when we talk about “having kids.” We think about carrying and giving birth to a baby, changing diapers, feeding, clothing, educating, and – for the more experienced among us – breaking up fights. Or perhaps, if we’re more romantically inclined, we’re picturing cuddles and wet kisses, singing and dancing, and fun family outings.
But that’s not quite right. A child is also a future adult, a responsible, independent person in the making. A child is a person who can become anyone or anything, who will have his personal dreams, unique abilities, a job (maybe a company?), coworkers and close friends, and eventually, hopefully, a family of his own. A child is a future businessman, a teacher, a scholar, an artist, or possibly just the most delightful person you’ve ever met….
A child is not just a kid. Every child is a unique person, a man or a woman unlike any other that has ever existed in the world.
My kids, your kids? Not exactly. It’s the people we have brought to the world to share their special spirit.
This reminds me of a beautiful poem called On Children, by Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
That’s so sweet!
I especially love the analogy of the bow and arrow.
Thank you for sharing!
This is a thoughtful post, and a great beginning of a conversation (or book!).
Thanks for starting this blog, and it seems you and your husband have done quite a bit of work on this project already.
Still, I would love for you to take this one step further and say “having a child” means bringing into this world an independent person (with a special spirit).
My main question really is, where do we have the permission to do this from,
as living also entails immense challenges, struggle and pain?
Thank you chayamushkaa for your kind words!
I’m not sure I completely understood what you are asking. Is your question about how parents have permission to have a lot of kids if it makes their own lives so difficult? Or are you asking more from the child’s point of view, as in, how can we bring children into a life of struggle and pain? Or possibly a bit of both?
We will certainly endeavor to address these questions, or if it was something else you had in mind, please let me know!
Baruch Hashem I am blessed with 3 beautiful girls and want to be inspired to keep going. This place looks like the right go-to! Can’t wait to join the journey. Kol hakavod Chaya Raskin.
Welcome Chana, happy to have you here 🙂 Much nachas from your little ones, present and future!